Today was just a bad week. On Monday, I had to call in "sad" to work for the first time since last summer. I'm just getting really sick of having to do this whole "trying to enjoy my life as it is now" charade, when this isn't the life I want. It's really hard work, and I'm exhausted.
I'm also feeling really alone these days. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I even miss having a group to really connect with online. When I was pregnant with you, I had my August 2010 Babycenter moms. Then when you died I had my spring/summer 2010 babyloss moms. Now, I feel like I'm just sort of here. Everyone's moved on and I just feel lame. Super lame. Is anyone even reading this anymore? Is there anybody out there?
Sorry for the depressing letter, Stevie. I'm hoping this week is just one of the lows in this sucky rollercoaster of grief. I'm sure I'll be my normal happy self again soon. But in the meantime, I think I'm gonna grant myself permission to just feel sorry for myself. To throw myself a ragin' pity party. Hey, it is the weekend after all, right?
Miss you baby. Mama misses you so much.
2 hours ago