Sunday, December 18, 2011

THE week

Dear Stevie,
I'm a few days into week 25 with your little brother, which means this week is the week. The week I lost you. Actually, today could be the very day you died. When I went into the doctor because I hadn't been feeling you move--the day we discovered you had no heartbeat--I was 25 weeks, 5 days. The last time I know with absolute certainty that I felt you kick was a couple days before that, at 25 weeks, 2 days. I wasn't really paying attention, and I am pretty sure you were moving some the next day as well, but the last kick I can clearly remember (you jabbed me really hard in the side while I was arguing with the new internet provider people on the phone!) happened at 25 weeks, 2 days--exactly where I am today.

I am scared to death. Logically I know that 25 weeks, 2 days is just a number, but I can't help but wonder if there is something about that particular time in the fetal development process that caused things to go wrong last time (and will cause them to go wrong again).

I've just been really anxious and can't wait for this week, the week, to be over. Thankfully, I have a lot going on this week (including a girl's day with my blog friend, Leanne tomorrow!) that will hopefully keep me nice and distracted.

By the end of the week, I'll officially be the most pregnant I've ever been. Bittersweet.

Anyway, here's my 25 week belly shot (taken at Grandma and Grandpa's house):

I am feeling rather...puffy these days!

I love you, Stevie. You have no idea how badly I wish you were here to enjoy your second Christmas with your family.

Always,
Mom

13 comments:

Natasha said...

I know this milestone is tough.....continuing to keep you guys in my prayers. I know Stevie is with you and her little brother always.

You look great by the way!

Becky said...

I lost my son at 25 weeks and 6 days and worry about that time approaching as well. Not that I think this baby will just happen to die at that time either but like Natasha said it'll be a milestone to get past that point and then get to find out what happens in the next stages of pregnancy you never got to be at.
You look great and happy, not puffy.

Jessica said...

(((hugs))) milestones like this are very tough! Thinking of you <3

Shannon said...

((HUGS)) thinking of you

Jaime said...

Congratulations on getting through your milestone! I can totally relate to all of the anxious feelings as well as the feelings of sadness and guilt that go along with meeting and passing 'those' dates.

You and E look fantastic!

I too wish for you that Stevie was here with you for her second Christmas.

x <3 o

Ashlea Sarnelli said...

You look amazing, Kristin, and I hope Stevie helps you get through this week...she is doing everything in her power to keep E safe from harm <3 Merry Christmas in Heaven, Stevie!

Anonymous said...

Sweetest Friend,

My thoughts and prayers are with you, as I know how very scary things can be hitting this same point in your pregnancy. Hold tight to all things positive and I'm sending loads of hugs your way :) Rub little Elliott for me!

Much Love and More Hugs
Andrea
persuitofourfairytale

car said...

It must be a very scary week for you. I hope it goes by quickly and your stress levels go back to "normal".

Crystal said...

Hugs and prayers!! I will also be glad when this week is over... for other reasons. My son, Nathan's scheduled c-section date was supposed to be this Wednesday, 21st. I will be thinking of and praying for both of us this week.

Shan said...

You look beautiful. I'm looking forward to hearing how wonderful it is that Eliot is kicking like crazy later on this week, that your next appointment went terrific and that you feel relieved to get past this incredible milestone.

Beth said...

you look so beautiful & cute. love your outfit. not sure if you felt it ...but you have been in my prayers. what a blessing to make it to this milestone... (:

Brooke said...

That's such a difficult milestone, and one that many of us can relate to. Hope this week passes by quickly for you. I wish Stevie were here with you, too.

Ashley said...

Kristin, you look adorable! Love your blog. :-)

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