I'll be honest. As we get closer and closer to the end here, I'm having a pretty tough time. I was doing really well, feeling (mostly) positive. But my nerves have been getting the best of me the last few days or so. It's so hard knowing that at just under six pounds now(!), you'd probably be just fine if you were born today. Again, not like I actually want you to be born prematurely, but I keep thinking 'what if' you'd be safer on the outside.
I have gone back and forth about the whole planned induction thing. On the one hand, I just want you out and in my arms as soon as possible. Then there's the part of me that really, really wants to have a natural delivery. And I know that the odds of that being possible go down whenever you add Pitocin (the medication they use to cause your uterus to contract) to the mix.
I understand a lot of people don't understand the desire to go through labor and delivery without pain medication, and that's fine, but it's something that is very important to me. One of the main reasons is that I want my birthing experience with you to be vastly different than my birthing experience with Stevie. I had an epidural with her, and while I don't regret having one, I hated how it made me feel so helpless. I remember already feeling so broken, and then being confined to this hospital bed, with a cathader and all these IVs running through my arms, not even able to go to the bathroom by myself...I just felt even more broken down and useless. I just really want my experience with you to be empowering, healing, different.
So anyway, I'm scared of being induced before my body is ready, only to have a long, extra difficult labor, and maybe even end up being forced into a C-section in the end. I had a really good conversation with my doctor about this yesterday and here's what we decided:
She won't induce before 39 weeks. I'll be switching over to twice-daily Heparin when I finish the Lovenox at 36 weeks (Heparin, also a blood thinner, has a half-life of 12 hours vs. 24 hours, so if I were to go into labor on my own after 36 weeks, it would likely be out of my system by the time I delivered). I'll continue to have weekly doppler flow studies, and NSTs/BPPs. Then IF at 39 weeks my cervix is 'favorable' (ie: dialated to at least a 3), and I'm showing other signs of being 'close,' we will induce. My doctor thinks that if my body is almost ready on its own, an induction is much more likely to work, and I'll be much more likely to still have the birthing experience I am hoping for.
So I am hoping I can get this cervix of mine in a 'favorable' position in the next few weeks. By Friday, March 23rd, to be exact :) I feel good about this plan. Of course, I could always end up going into labor on my own before 39 weeks, but I kind of doubt that's going to happen. You have been measuring pretty far ahead of the curve all along though, so I guess you never know!
In other news, our last couple ultrasounds showed you already have a head full of hair! I had no idea they could even tell that from an ultrasound, but it was pretty cool to see. You must have gotten that hair from me, because I'm pretty sure your dad was bald at birth :)
Yesterday during the ultrasound, as the tech was doing measurements, she said, "so...does Andy have a pretty big head?" Well, it appears you may not have gotten Dad's hair, but you got his huge head (measuring around 38 weeks at 34 weeks--yikes!) Must mean you're going to be extra smart, right? Ha.
Well I guess that's it for now. My friend Mandy is taking maternity photos for us tomorrow morning so I need to get on Pinterest and start collecting ideas!
Keep growing baby boy. To say I'm excited to meet you would be the biggest understatement of all time!
2 hours ago