Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day

Dear Elliot,
I almost went the entire day without getting a picture of the two of us on our first Mother's Day together yesterday! I made Dad pull over on the side of the road on the way home to snap a couple quick photos. You were cranky that we removed you from your comfy carseat, the dogs were going absolutely nuts that we left them in the car by themselves for a couple minutes, and I was freaking out and yelling, "hurry up! The sun is about to go down!" as Dad tried to get a decent shot before the sun set completely.

But I just didn't want to forget that day, ever.

It's kind of weird, because in my heart I've been a mother for the last two Mother's Days. My first Mother's Day was the day after Stevie died. Then last year Mother's Day landed on her first 'birthday.' Both incredibly hard, painful days, to say the least.

So to have a baby in my arms this Mother's Day felt truly amazing. This year, I was finally acknowledged by the rest of the world. Last year I would have had to wear a shirt that said 'I had a baby' for anyone to know I was a mom. But yesterday it was obvious to everyone by the adorable little boy I proudly carried in my arms. I no longer felt invisible.

We don't have a lot of money right now, so Dad had to get creative with his Mother's Day gift. He ended up finding a bunch of frames at thrift stores to match my wall of photos in the hallway, and filled them with fun pictures of you he took. This one of you in a robber mask (because you have 'stolen my heart') is my favorite:

I also had to get crafty for your Mother's Day gifts to your grandmas, but I think they turned out pretty cute:

I actually ended up printing each picture separately and putting them into their own frames :)

Last night as I was cuddling with you in the rocking chair before bed, I got all teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have you, to be your mom. You're just so sweet and funny and cute and amazing, and I am just in awe that you're really mine. I am so blessed.

I love you from the bottom of my heart, baby boy. Thank you for making this Mother's Day so special, just by being here.



Ashley said...

So sweet. And, invisible is the perfect word to describe how it feels on Mother's Day after a loss.

Tiffany said...

so sweet. i felt much the same this year.

Caroline said...

<3 <3 Beautiful <3 <3

rebecca said...

So sweet, I had to laugh at the beginning of this post because we did the same thing! I made sure Nick took a picture of us while we were sitting outside yesterday evening because I just had to have one to mark the day with my little man! Love the picture of you & Elliot, makes my heart happy!

Hope's Mama said...

You deserve every happiness in the world.

Jessica said...

How precious! I have been a mother for two other Mother's Days too but I agree it was lovely this year to not feel invisible! <3

Helen said...

My first mother's day was three days after my son's funeral. I was in too much shock and pain to feel anything but numb. It simply passed by. I often wonder if next year's mother's day will be the hardest test - if once the dust has settled, the pain of facing mother's day will be real. Your story gives me so much hope, that by next mother's day, I might have a smile as wide as yours is when you look at Elliot.

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