Dear Stevie,
Mommy's friend, Angela, put together and posted the most beautiful video on her blog. It's an incredibly touching tribute to her daughter, Charlotte (maybe you know her? I know it's a silly idea, but I could totally see you two doing lots of reading together--both of your mothers were English majors after all :) Her video moved me so much, that I just had to post it here (hope you don't mind, Angela, let me know if you do!) I had big plans of actually "doing" my hair this morning, but I got so caught up in watching Charlotte's story, I never got around to blow drying or straightening it. Oh well, there's always tomorrow, right?
Click here to watch Charlotte's video.
I think what really struck me was the love that just radiates from both Angela and her husband, in the months, weeks, days, and hours, leading up to Charlotte's birth. There's this silly misconception out there that you don't start bonding with your baby until he/she is born. That is just simply not true. There are people in my life who just don't 'get it' at all. It's obvious they don't understand why I am still so sad about you dying, why I haven't 'moved on' yet, why I still talk about you all the time, why it's still hard for me to go to work, and go out with friends, and do all the things I used to do with ease. I guess if you haven't experienced the kind of love that happens with you're pregnant, the kind of love I had for you, that swelled up in my heart the moment I saw those two pink lines, the kind of love that Angela so obviously had for Charlotte, you can't possibly understand the enormity, the hugeness of our losses.
It's just so unfair. We wanted our babies so much. We would have been wonderful parents to our little girls. Why couldn't we keep them? I just don't get it.
Miss you today, baby.
All my love,
Mom
Snow Flurries In Utah
6 days ago
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3 comments:
Thank you, Kristin.
My heart grew exponentially the moment I knew Tommy Jr was in my belly. He was so real, even when he was the size of a pea. But a giant heart hurts so much more when it breaks.
People don't understand because it's too scary- the pain is too gruesome for most. There are a few who can stand it, and thank God (or whoever is in charge) for them.
So completely true about loving your baby before they are born. We loved Lily so much, even before she was conceived. We tried so hard, spent so much money & made so many sacrifices to even conceive her through IVF. It was a dream come true and we were so blissfully happy as our pregnancy grew and grew and then just like that it was all gone. It's so hard to accept that people who would try so hard to become parents are denied while so many who don't care about their children can have them so easily. Ugh, can you tell this is a sore subject for me?!
Thank God for this community of mothers who get this pain & frustration.
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