Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Blown away

Dear Stevie,
I looked through the pictures on my iPhone tonight. I'm not sure why, as I knew there were tons, and I mean tons of belly pictures on it. When I was pregnant with you, I was obsessed with taking pictures of my ever-expanding tummy. I was so proud of and amazed at the little human being I was growing inside of me.

I look at these pictures now and am even more amazed. How crazy that it was you in there. At the time I took these pictures, I would think, "I am so big!" But after seeing you, holding you in my arms, I can't believe you ever fit a space that small! You were almost 2 pounds, over a foot (13.5 inches) long. A pretty big girl for being just 26 weeks along.

I look at the pictures of your feet and think, "wow, these feet were the ones kicking me in the bladder and keeping me awake at night." I look at pictures your long fingers and think, "whoa, those are the hands that would punch me in the ribs." I look at your adorable button nose and think, "crazy, that's the same little nose I saw during our ultrasounds."

I am just completely blown away by it all sometimes.

You, my baby, were alive, your heart beating away in each of those pictures. Were you sleeping? Sucking your thumb? Dancing around in there while I took each shot? It's just amazing to think about, isn't it?

I remember how happy I was in each of these pictures, and I want to go back.

Thank you for giving me the best days of my life, little girl.

Missing you so much,


Danae said...

It is amazing to think about a little one growing in a space so small. You look amazing in your belly pictures. I just wish you would have been able to take more. That is one of the biggest regrets I have from my "during pregnancy" time. I took not one belly shot. As an overweight woman, I was terrified to take them, and now I wish so desperately I had them.

Tiki said...

I agree, you look amazing pregnant. It is hard for me to look mt belly shots. The first thing I think of is Charlotte being alive in those pictures. I miss her in my tummy.

Lara + Chris said...

Stevie was the cutest belly bump EVER! I'm so glad you have these pics and the pics of Stevie to look back on. I wish you had Stevie to look at now. :(

Andrea said...

I took weekly shots and while they break my heart to look at now, they do remind me of the extra happiness in my life at the time. They remind me that Oliver was in there alive and moving around. For that, I'm grateful I have them.

You are adorable pregnant! I wish we all had our babies back.

rebecca said...

I hear you, I too want to go back to the joy & beauty of being pregnant. You are so adorable in your pregnancy pictures, we also took weekly pictures of my growing belly...although it's hard to look back I'm glad we have them to remember.

Hannah Rose said...

wow, I've had these same thoughts. When I looked at Lily's feet, I thought of her kicking me in the stomach. And when I looked at her face, I remembered seeing it on the ultrasound screen. And I love looking at pictures of me when I was pregnant. I know she was full of life at that point. I like to imagine what she was doing. Beautiful pictures.

Ausmerican Housewife said...

I hear you. I'd give almost anything to have to get up each night every two hours to pee because Evan wouldn't stop his all night DanceDanceRevolution parties!

Jaclyn said...

It is so clear from this blog how much you love Stevie, and what a wonderful mom you would be. Please ignore any awful person who would ever think otherwise.

Dana said...

I feel, and felt, the exact same way. I was, and I still am, amazed that I really carried a baby. That I really grew baby that had all his parts and a strong beating heart....and then he was suddenly gone. The 5 months I was pregnant were the best 5 months of my life. I'd never been so happy. I had my wonderful husband and a baby!!! I couldn't believe it!. Sometimes it is still hard to believe. I would give anything to be pregnant with him again...I'd gladly be nauseous again, I'd gladly have to get up at least 3 times a night to pee.

Your pictures are tbeautiful. You had such a cute baby bump.

mommy4boys said...

What a beautiful baby bump. It's so hard to imagine our babies being in there and growing.

Antoinette said...

I have so many of these as well and i always look through them. I would cry so hard at not getting to ever see her do baby things and then i remembered at a sono she was sucking her thumb. and i knew she DID do baby things. I had went to a 3D place around 18 weeks to see her sex for $200 bux i got a cd reel with her movements that were recorded and everything. I cried one day at the idea i can never see her 'move' in my life, then out of no where ( i call these alyssa getting involved) i stumbled across this and saw her moving...i cried like a baby..i repeated 'YOU WERE ALIVE YOU DID MOVE YOU ARE REAL' the whole time....Sweetie she WAS alive, and doing baby things and kicking you all night...Stevie and you have an amazing bond, she shared HER whole life with you (((hugs)))

Catherine W said...

What beautiful photographs. Stevie was an amazing size for 26 weeks. She was obviously comfy and growing well.

It is amazing to think about isn't it?

Leanne said...

Awww, I love your baby belly. I love every baby belly. Even when the moms are complaining about how bad or fat or whatever that they look, I can't get over what a miracle each baby is! So I love seeing those baby bellies. :) Thanks for sharing these, a piece of Stevie's life, with us! It's so fun to relive those happy times with you! :)

Lori said...

How precious, precious, precious are you and those pictures of your sweet girl with you??? Love them. I know they are bittersweet, but I am so glad you have them. I didn't take very many pictures with Matthew and I'm not really sure why. I guess my thinking was that I'd have plenty of pictures of HIM...who cared about what *I* was looking like until he got here???

Oh...the hindsight.

Sending you much love as you miss your amazing, amazing girl!!

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