Monday, September 20, 2010

Sad

Dear Stevie,
I hate how the sad days can just come out of nowhere. Today was a sad day. I think it's the fall weather. I step outside and it smells just like Halloween. I had picked out the cutest Halloween costume for you, like the second I found out you were a girl. You were going to be a little poodle. I was going to take a picture of you and the two dogs together for our Christmas cards. Our three little poodles. All of our friends would have given us so much crap, but it would have been perfect.

I have gone trick-or-treating every Halloween of my life that I can remember. Seriously. I mean, why not? Who wouldn't take advantage of free candy for as long as they possibly can?! It's one of the only times I can really take advantage of the fact that I look like I'm 14 years old.

 One of my favorite trick-or-treating costumes. I'm the Hulk :)

 
 We made bank, even as college students!

I have always said I was going to continue going until I had a child of my own to take.

I thought Halloween 2010 was going to be that year. I was going to take my little pink poodle trick-or-treating.

This just sucks. I miss you so much, Baby.

Love you,
Mom

20 comments:

butterflymom said...

((hugs))

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry Kristin - it really does suck - much love to you!

Angela said...

It's hard. I'm sorry. Thinking of you and Stevie.

Kelley and Chris said...

The sad days do seem to come out of nowhere...and they really suck! I hope tomorrow will be a little bit better. Thinking of you...

rebecca said...

I hear you...the whole month of October and it's drawing closer is making me so sad. This Halloween was supposed to be the time we were welcoming my daughter into the world, now its just another depressing reminder that she is no longer here. I can't imagine trick or treating or celebrating at all this year...maybe in the future, but I just can't this year.
On Julie's blog tonight she mentioned an old blog post of yours when you were struggling with a lot of questions related to God, I clicked on the link because I've been feeling a lot of those same conflicted emotions towards God lately, a lot of anger and sadness that my prayers went unanswered. Anyway, interesting the date of that post was the date Lily died. Not that this helps to answer my questions, but it validates my feelings.
Thinking of you my friend, sorry that we don't live a bit closer and could commiserate together over some wine...hoping tomorrow brings you some peace ((hugs))

Emily said...

I too had already picked out a costume for Aidan. I thought "Oh I'd love to dress him up as a pumpkin". Totally unoriginal, and maybe once he was born I would have thought of something cooler, but I once saw an adorable picture of a newborn baby sleeping in a carved pumpkin and it was just so damn cute I wanted that for my baby.
*Sigh* Maybe next time.

croleyc69 said...

Thinking of you & Stevie !! {{HUGS}}

Caroline

Julie said...

she would have been SO cute in her poodle costume! {{hugs}}

Lori said...

That would truly have been adorable. I'm so sorry that such a precious thought is so heartbreaking to remember...

I remember being at BRU right after Halloween (and about ready to pop!) and John looking at Halloween costumes and saying maybe we should get one for next (this) year. He pulled out the sweetest little Lobster outfit ever (and I just thought of 'Friends' and the "He's her lobster" episode) and I almost got it. I remember thinking, "Well...let's hold off now because we don't know how he'll grow and buying something like that a year out may be hard to judge."

So we didn't get it....and I'm sad we didn't but glad we didn't at the same time. One more thing to miss and wish about...

xoxoxoxo

Rici said...

I just came across your blog within the last 15 minutes. For the last 14 I have cried harder then I've cried in a very long time. I don't know you but I wish I had words to bring some sort of comfort. You have such an amazing spirit and I wish you peace and sincere happiness soon.
I have no doubt she would have made the cutest pink poodle in the world.

Andrea said...

Thinking of you always...the triggers are the worst. Hang in there honey and know that I'm sending you love.

xxx

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

:( Thinking of you.

Lisette said...

((HUGS)) Thinking of you and Stevie.

Megan said...

The ones that seem to come out of nowhere always hit me the hardest. I'm thinking of you.

Violet1122 said...

Ahhhh... the poodle thing is such a cute idea!

I'm sorry Stevie isn't here to be a part of Halloween.

Thinking of you often...

Leanne said...

Aww, I LOVE the poodle idea! That definitely would have made the cutest Christmas card! I know I say this all the time, but my heart hurts so much for you. Huge hugs to you today!

And, I love the Hulk costume. Haha! Wowzers, you sure did bring in a ton of candy! I need to go trick-or-treating with you! Instead, I just go home and get some from my parents. Lol! I help them pass out candy and then take a huge bag of the leftovers back with me. :)

Antoinette said...

oh Kristin, I hope my "Falling out of Fall" didnt trigger you *tears*....but im sure no matter what these feelings just seem to sneak up on us...I think I seen that costume in BJs the other day and I nearly threw up on myself cause it was next to a sweet little butterfly one...i just stood there and stared at them while Anthony tried to hurry me past i felt like the whole store was going 50 miles an hour and i was just standing there alone staring at these costumes...As you know halloween was my FAVVVVV cause i got to dress up and act like a kid myself, i mean i am 5'1 so i am practically 'kid size'.....sigh....i cant believe this is our life now, im hoping today is a bit better =(

Stephanie said...

Thinking of you today.

Lucid Anne said...

PSST I nominated you for an award in my blog. : ) <3

butterflymom said...

I nominated you too....thought you could use a little "pick me up." Check it out when you have a chance...thinking about you.

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