Friday, October 8, 2010

5 Months

Dear Stevie,
How is it already the 8th again? Today is 5 months since you were born. I don't really have much to say about that except that it really sucks. And that I miss you like crazy.

Today is already off to a bad start. I woke up (still) sick and then ran out of conditioner, so my hair is a big wet mess of tangles. Super hot.

Here is today's entry for the 30-day blog challenge.
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad.

Well, isn't that the perfect topic for today. This makes me very, very sad. My husband, your daddy. I wish he never had to feel like this. I wish no one did.

Love you, Stevie girl.



Trena said...

Oh Kristin, you are doing an amazing job with FOLFOH, do NOT let what anyone says bring you down. You should be so proud of yourself lady! And of course, everyone else ALL are amazing :) I can not tell you enough how happy I am that I found your site when I did. ♥ Sometimes, there are just people that can't be pleased no matter what...and that's sad. Just keep doing what you are doing!

Dana said...

Thinking of you and Stevie today and sending you hugs.

I guess criticism comes with the territory when you start something new, but it is so discouraging when people just criticize something that you have worked on so hard.

I found it interesting how you said that working on Faces feels like you are parenting Stevie. I feel the same way about it. I feel like all the time I spend working on Faces and all the time I spend on my blog, other baby loss mom's blogs and the different support sites is my "Jacob time". Time that I am devoting to him, just as I would have done if he had lived.

I think you have done an amazing job with it and I am very proud to be a part of it.

I know that Stevie is incredibly proud of her Mom.

That picture is heartbreaking.

Cat said...

This one hit me. The picture of your husband and Stevie is very strong.

I'm sorry people are being silly. That 1% is what I remember, not the 99% of yay! I think it's great what you're doing for all of us. Keep your chin up!

Antoinette said...

Happy 5 Months Stevie!! You must be SO PROUD of your momma!!!

Kristen, OH HELL NO!! I know exactly what you are referring to (i think) I seen the wall post on the FB page "Why did you take ___down" You know what this is not up for debate, why not this or the SHORT TIME that FOL has been up it has done MORE for BLMs than a lot of other things I see, there is not a cost to come here and read other's stories and learn you are NOT ALONE. There is nothing more than compassion and caring going into EVERY SINGLE thing you guys do...Honestly, those who are so upset need to do something THEMSELVES..and see how hard it is to read 1000s of loss stories a week. Hear constant statistics, and see how UN appreciated they feel after everything they do that others want to 'put their two cents to how it should go'....I am amazed at EVERY new thing you do, and I often wonder if your little brain ever takes a you said 99% of people are obsessed with the FOL site/page but it only takes that 1% to make you feel like you are doing something wrong....message me the thread where they talk about you, ill deal with them =P you know i love that ish!!!

Angela said...

I wish I could take that 1% away. You are doing such a good job, and you pour so much time into it. I don't understand why anyone would say anything negative about those who have lost a baby, but they do, every day. As you said, we're all grieving mamas trying to help one another through.

That picture is heartbreaking. When the eighth rolls around I always think of you and about how my girl died a few days later. Love to you and Stevie.

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Aw. Happy 5 months, Stevie. Wow. Your picture makes me sad as well. I am SO sorry that you're going through this.
And I can't believe that people are attacking you for doing such an amazing thing!
Keep your chin up, and don't let any of those losers bring you down!

Annie said...

Anniversaries are rough. Sorry to hear it's been a tough day and that there are unkind comments being made about all your hard work with Faces. If you ever need some help with any projects related to Faces, let me know and I'll try to pitch in! I'm close by and I'd love to help!

Princess Andy said...

i'm thinking of you today:) *hugs* also, while this picture of stevie and her dad is absolutely is so beautiful too.

and screw all the naysayers. they can suck it. you and your "faces" friends have formed a wonderful community for families looking for comfort in the company of those who have lost just as they have.

good for you.

love and kindness,


CourtneyAnna said...


I have been meaning to write for a long time.
I started reading your blog right before Stevie was born. Oh man, I cried my eys out when I ready the "Birthday" post. I couldn't even imagine. I was struggling with infertility and I just couldn't believe what you had gone through. I continuted to read your blog and when I saw FOLFOH, I was so glad you did. This summer, I finally got pregant and I was so excited. In August, I miscarried. I felt like a huge failure and I was basically heartbroken. Your blog, and FOLFOH really were my saving grace. I am now dealing with Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome and learning I don't produce enough progesterone to have a successful pregnancy.
Thank you so much for the support and blogs. Don't let the few naysayers get you down. You are doing an amazing thing; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Keep it up!
Thanks again,
Courtney (Face 821) :-)

Maggie said...

Happy 5 months to Stevie!!! Aw, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that 1%, a small amount, but still sucks in the end to hear negativity over such an amazing cause. You can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try. I wish people weren't such jerks sometimes. You're doing an amazing job and don't let that 1% get you down, I think the majority are supporters and who needs those 1%! (((HUGS))))

Andrea said...

You are an amazing person, friend and 'co-worker.' :) Hugs to you and Stevie always!

Andrea said...

Sweetest Kristen,

There will always be critics in life and I find those to be the people who do "absolutely nothing"! They sit back, cast stones and deflate the efforts of those working their back sides off. Let it be said that you are doing an incredible job with Faces and I applaud your efforts. All that you have done is impressive!

Remember this:

This is YOUR Non-Profit, your idea and YOU bring it to fruition as you see best! Ignore those casting stones honey, they are not worth your precious time.

Much Love and keep up the good work!

As for Stevie's photo, she's beautiful and my heart aches for you when I look at your hubbys face. Extra hugs sweet girl. xxxxxxx

Lisette said...

Thinking of you and Stevie ((HUGS)).

Kelley and Chris said...

Kristin, you are doing such great things! We are all so proud of you. Don't let that 1% percent get you down. Keep doing what you're doing. You are making such a positive difference in all of our lives! xoxo

Lindsay said...

Oh gosh, when you become a mom (like you did and are) seriously people always think they have to tell you how to do things or how you are doing things wrong. I definitely know this as someone who doesn't ever every do something because "it's what everybody does" and as a result does thing a bit differently. You just do what you think is best and screw everybody else :)

rebecca said...

Thinking of you & your husband today as you remember your precious Stevie.
As to that 1% of people, frankly I'd take a guess to say they have never dealt with losing a child. I've always been a people pleaser type too, but if it's one thing I've gained since losing Lily it is the perspective that I will not always make everyone happy no matter how much I try and you know what I don't care anymore. The thing that matters is that I am happy with myself that I can be confident in who I am and the decisions I make and if someone else doesn't like that well then they're allowed but frankly I'd say f*ck them. I hope that you remember Kristin that for the rest of us 99% whose lives you have touched you have made an incredible, positive impact on our lives. You continue to honor your daughter by touching the lives of women all over this world who have experienced loss and are grieving and you have given us all hope that we are not alone. I continue to be in awe of you and look forward to continuing to see the ripple affect that Stevie's short life makes in this world through the goodness of her mother. <3 to you my friend.

Curls O Fred said...

Aw hell. There are always people who are unhappy with something. That doesn't take the sting of their criticism away, even when you know that what you and the ladies have established is a kick-ass organization that touches the hearts of so many and raises awareness about something so important in our lives. Keep up the good work, and remember the encouragement of these other comments here when the negative ones feel too overwhelming. ((hugs))

Rhiannon said...

I am so sorry that some people are giving you grief about what you are or are not doing. I think that you are doing a DAMN good job with FOLFOH. What an impact you have made on my life and on the lives of so many loss mammas. I don't know how so many of us would have found each other without that resource...I think you and your team ROCK!! What a special impact little Stevie has had on all of our lives.

You are amazing and strong and screw the people who can't be pleased...some people are unpleasable, you know. I am a people pleaser by nature, too, but after losing your child life takes on a whole new meaning and sometimes it's not about pleasing everyone but about doing what is right in your heart and I know that you are. Love and Hugs to you tonight and always.

therootofallevel said...

to hell with them. i just did a post on Grieve Out Loud for the campaign. it's the least we can do.

hope things lighten up for you. for all of us.

Noey said...

You are so strong and so brave. I can't believe people would oppose such a serious, emotional, IMPORTANT organization. You are doing a wonderful thing, raising awareness and joining together women (and men) with broken hearts who feel all alone. I wish I could slap that 1% of idiots.

Brianna said...

Hey Kristin,
I was a member of the Aug 2010 board and, though I've never posted, I've always kept up with this blog. I just wanted to send an encouraging note your way. I think what you're doing in Stevie's memory is incredible. I'm sure you're a source of inspiration and comfort to so many. Never let the bastards get you down ; )
PS- My 2 year old and I had an ice cream cone RIGHT BEFORE DINNER last week in Stevie's honor. For some reason I thought of her and thought - what the hell. Carpe diem : )

Erin said...

I take stuff personally when I shouldn't too - you're only human. Plus, all I have to say is that what you've done is incredible (and incredibly inspiring) - and in such a short amount of time! It's really easy to sit back and complain that things aren't exactly as you want them to be, but it's really difficult to be the one to see a problem and try to change it. You can't please everyone all the time. You'd doing an amazing job; don't let anyone try to make you think differently!

Missy said...

There's always got to be some jackass who thinks they can do it better or differently, but is just too damn lazy to do it. Then there are people who just suck. What you have done is amazing! I would be in a much worse place if I didn't have faces and my new baby loss mom friends. I think it's safe to say you saved my life. Tell them to put that in their pipe and smoke it.

Michelle said...

I hate that you feel this judgement, that any of us do. It's not fair.

Cara said...

Beyond that I would recommend that instead of reacting by taking it personally and letting it get you down, that you find a way to logically and rationally defend your position. Like I said, people tell me all the time that my work is needless, stupid, even wrong, but I know what I stand for and why I stand for it and I’m able to confidently respond to my critics. I know why I believe in my cause, and the resultant conversation is much more constructive (in many cases I’ve even been able to change their opinions of my work) than the alternative, which simply leaves you hurt and your detractors bolstered.

Furthermore, I think you ought to consider whether someone simply asking a question about the justification behind what you’ve chosen to do is in fact negative/criticism. Again, you’ve chosen to be the face of a visible organization/campaign, and neutral, curious, suspicious, confused, and even supportive people will always have questions. If you believe, which I think you do, that you’re doing the right thing, then you should be able to confidently respond to those questions. Quite simply, Faces of Loss is about bringing awareness to and building support for babyloss moms; it’s not about you. When someone asks an honest question about Faces of Loss, they aren’t criticizing you and your choices or calling, nor are they trivializing how hard you’ve worked, they are asking about Faces of Loss. It’d be best for both you and the organization for you to learn to separate the two as soon as possible – trust me, I’ve been there.

Cara said...

I'm really ashamed of the way you're handling this. I assume you'll delete this as well but I truly had enough faith in you that I thought (idiotically) my comment just didn't save the first 10 times I tried. Grow up.

Kristin said...

Cara-I didn't delete anything, your comment is right above. I think it was too long so only the second part is showing? Wow.

Kristin said...

And if you're going to lecture me and tell me to "grow up" at least tell me who you are and provide an email address so I can respond to your false accusations...

Lori said...

Oh. My. Word.

I often feel guilty these days because I just get so far behind in so much that I feel like I'm being ignorant to the very things I don't want to be...and then I realize that there's SUCH venom in being in the thick of things that it may just be for the best that I'm only able to read/comment/post just a little bit each day. If that.

Seriously--I have no idea of what specifics people are mentioning with the 1% / 99% but regardless, the gist is the same--it's YOUR work. YOUR site. YOUR honoring and remembering. YOUR prerogative to do whatever YOU want to do and if people don't agree/like/question/etc...they can simply ignore and/or not participate. Simple. Wish people remembered no one holds guns to their heads for anything.

And the Cara comment? Don't know about that either, but to reiterate: Oh. My. Word. It's not as if you don't have an email that people can send you personal messages to if they feel they are truly being helpful in their 'constructive criticism' or 'questioning'... no need to critique you in public.

But since she did, may I just say that I cannot see ANY POSSIBLE way for you to separate yourself from Faces? It came from your heart. To do something to honor your daughter. And be supportive for a gazillion other people in the process. Which frankly, I'd consider gravy in the big picture. You were not required to do anything but mourn your child--and how you chose to do so is your business. If, in doing so, you are making an impact in such a tremendous way for so many other people and issues, what a blessing!

This is your heart's work. And I just remember and love the quote you had recently about awesome force and power driving let yourself be as entangled as your heart wants.

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