A sorta merry Christmas

Dear Elliot,
Last year I wanted nothing to do with Christmas. I banned the Christmas music radio station in the car, refused to put up any decorations, and basically tried to pretend that the whole thing wasn't really happening.

This year, I am definitely feeling more in the spirit of things, but I wouldn't call this time 'the most wonderful time of the year' just yet. While last year's was an all out crappy Christmas, I have a feeling this year's will be a sorta merry Christmas. Yes, the pain is not nearly as fresh or intense, and having you with me this year helps quite a bit, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I should have an 18-month old daughter to spoil this Christmas; that I should be out searching for the perfect play kitchen, or maybe her first baby doll, and toiling over which ruffly Christmas dress she should wear to church on Christmas Eve.

It will be a sorta merry Christmas this year because even though you've brought so much new joy and excitement into my heart, it still breaks into a million little pieces when I think of should have, could have been.

I'm still not in the mood to go all-out with decorations and stuff this year, but I do want to start letting some of that Christmas magic back into our lives. The first step was getting a tree. We have a big artificial tree down in the basement somewhere, but Dad and I decided we really wanted the smell that comes with a real pine tree. But I didn't really want a full size tree in the living room, so we found the perfect three-foot tall potted fir tree at Bachmans.

I pulled out the tote full of ornaments that sat untouched in the garage last year, and gathered all the Stevie ornaments I got as gifts from people last Christmas. I had forgotten how many of them there were!  While I unwrapped ornaments, Dad put up some lights (and was apparently really happy about me taking a picture of him doing it, ha):

I wanted to eat something 'Christmas-y' while we decorated, but I also had a craving for bacon guacamole (seriously, so good). In the end we decided that guac is green like Christmas, so it worked:

We also busted out the first egg nog of the season:

And in no time at all, we were finished trimming our little tree:

Yes, it's small, a bit uneven, and kind of tips forward like it wants to fall over, but it's ours, and I love it. Baby steps, right?

Here's a little picture of you during your first (of what I hope is many) tree-trimming experiences:

Even if all we get is a sorta merry Christmas this year, I'll be grateful. Sure beats a crappy Christmas, right? :)

I love you, Little E. Can't wait to see you again on Tuesday!

XOXO,

Mom

PS. I had a lot of people ask about the mother nest necklaces I've been making, so I decided to put them up on Etsy! If you are interested in ordering one for yourself or someone you know, click here to go to my little shop. I still need a shop name (Foxy Lady is my default screen name for like everything, and no it's not because I think I'm hot stuff, it's after my dog Foxy!) The necklaces are a nice way to include any lost babies. I made one for myself and actually included four eggs--one for Stevie, one for Elliot, and one for each of my dogs (yes, I am obsessed with my dogs). Anyway, check it out if you want! Thanks!