I've been thinking a lot about this word: "ready." It's something that comes up a lot lately. "Are you ready to be a mom?" "Are you ready for your life to change forever?" "Are you really ready for dirty diapers, breastfeeding, and being up all night with a screaming baby?" The short answer to all of these questions? Probably not. In many ways, I still feel like a child myself. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was hoping on the bus for my first day of Kindergarten, or that your dad was going trick or treating with his brothers on Halloween.
I'm doing my best to get ready to be your mom, but sometimes all the preparation can be a bit overwhelming! I never knew there were so many things to think about and make decisions about before you get here: will you sleep in a crib or in a co-sleeper? Will we buy regular diapers, cloth diapers, or biodegradable disposal diapers? If you're a boy, will we have you circumsized? Will I feed you whenever you're hungry, or try and set some kind of feeding schedule? Will we carry you close to us in slings and wraps, or will we push you in a stroller when we're out and about? Will you get your vaccines all at once, or will we try to spread them out? Who will we pick for your pediatrician?
The more I think about it, the more I realize that as hard as I might try, I'm not going to be ready for you until you get here. When I got on that big bus on my first day of school, I didn't know what to expect. But I got on, and I never looked back. That's kind of how I am with any big change in my life, whether it be going off to college, starting my first "real" job, or even getting married. Anyone who knows me knows I don't exactly like to plan ahead. I do best when I'm forced to either sink or swim, and so far at least, I've always been able to learn how to swim. :)
When it comes to being a mom, I think I'll learn how to do that as I go, too. Obviously, we will do our best to prepare as much as we can ahead of time, but will I ever feel like I'm finally ready to be a mother, until you're finally here in my arms? Does anyone?
I can't wait to experience all these unknowns with you, baby. We'll figure it all out together. I love you so much already.
This hectic thing we call life.
6 hours ago