12 week ultrasound

Dear E,
I just got back from your 12-week appointment and am incredibly happy (and relieved!) to report that things continue to look great! You are looking so much more like an actual baby. I love it.

Yesterday, the day before the appointment, my nerves once again got the best of me and I was feeling really, really anxious. I kept crying for no real reason, other than I was just so scared. So worried that I was going to have to go through the whole "there is no heartbeat" experience again.

I ended up going out to dinner (well, happy hour) with one of my best friends, Lisa, and it was really nice to get my mind off of things for at least a couple hours. Then when it was time for bed, I couldn't sleep I was so nervous.

I have been putting off trying to find your heartbeat with my at-home doppler, because I was afraid it was too early and if I couldn't find it, I'd just freak out (even more than I already am all the time). But the nerves got to be so bad this morning that I decided "screw it." If there was even a chance I might get some peace of mind before my appointment, I'd give it a shot. To my surprise, I was able to find your heartbeat right away. Baby, it was music to my ears. And it really did provide just the right amount of peace to get me through my day.

After sitting through a four-hour training on nonprofit finance (you're all jealous, I know), it was finally time to pick up Dad from work and head to the doctor. The scariest part about getting ultrasounds for me is the first few seconds, before I can figure out what it is I'm looking at and whether or you're okay, whether or not you're alive in there. You must have been looking out for your mom this afternoon because I swear to God, the second that wand hit my belly, there you were--literally jumping around.

And that's pretty much what you did the entire ultrasound. I couldn't stop smiling, watching my cute little babe propelling itself off the walls of my uterus. And your nubs have grown into real legs! And arms! Complete with these teeny tiny little hands, with teeny tiny little fingers! I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's truly incredible watching you grow from week to week. I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my head around the whole thing.

Here you are, three months old:

After the ultrasound, I had an appointment with my doctor. Not much new to report from that. We got to listen to your heartbeat again, on the doppler. We could hear you kicking the thing the whole time. My doctor even said, "this kid is moving around a lot in there!"

It was kind of funny. I told my doctor that I was so happy that I haven't had a real puke in almost a week. Then literally two minutes after getting home, some nasty smell in the kitchen had me running to the bathroom and throwing up the pineapple orange juice and chocolate chip cookie I'd just eaten. Oops--guess I spoke too soon!

Alright, Little E, you keep growing, jumping, and doing your thing in there. I'll see you again in 4 weeks!

Love you,
Mom