Losing a child can put quite a strain on a marriage. The unfortunate reality is that the odds of "making it" are not on our side. The statistics are ugly, although not all that shocking once you've been through it and know how hard it is. Some articles I've read put the divorce rate for couples who lose a child at around 90%. Dad and I are determined not to become a part of that 90%, but we know it will take a lot of work and conscious effort from both of us to make that happen.
The first couple weeks after you died, we clung to each other and were both handling your death in pretty much the same way: crying all the time and being sad together. Since then, though, we've been in very different places in our grief most of the time. It's easy to feel disconnected and disjointed.
That's why nights like last night's "date night" are so important. It's so nice to go out and talk, face-to-face, without the distractions of the computer or the internet or the TV. To get back on the same page for a bit. To get out of the house and have, dare I say, some fun together.
"Fun" is not a word I use a lot these days, but I can honestly say I had a fun time last night. I can even say it without feeling too guilty, which is pretty huge.
First, we sat outside and ate dinner at one of Dad's favorite places, a fun tiki bar/restaurant in Northeast Minneapolis called Psycho Suzi's:
We had a great time, until it took over an hour for our food to come out. Dad's famous "I'm hungry and crabby" face made an appearance while we were waiting:
But we were all smiles again after devouring our delicious meals:
Then it was off for some after-dinner drinks at the Zombie bar:
We talked over candle light:
Watched the zombie movies playing on the TV mounted above our table:
Took part in the "design your own drink" challenge, and came up with the yummiest cupcake-inspired cocktail ever, which I called "the schlupcake" (had to keep with the zombie theme, you know):
And ended the night with a quiet drive home through the rain:
Of course you were the topic of conversation for most of the night last night, but it was a lot more of the reminiscing about the good times we had with you talks, and a lot less of the being sad and depressed about you dying talks. I liked that, a lot.
The only thing that could have made the night any better would have been coming home to find your babysitter watching TV and you, sound asleep in your crib.
I love you so much, baby girl.
Mom (and Daddy too)
2 hours ago