Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Dear Stevie,
I was feeling unusually brave this morning and decided to tackle one of the things I've been putting off doing for a while now: going through all your things in the nursery. When I packed everything up awhile back, I didn't actually go through anything; I just wanted to get everything put away and out of sight as quickly as possible. I pretty much threw everything into a couple giant totes and that was that. Now that I'm at the point where people are starting to ask me what we need for the new baby, where we're going to register, and all those types of questions, I figured I should really sort through all the baby things we got for you, knowing there is probably quite a bit that we could re-use for Elliot.

I was surprised at how emotional the whole experience was. How difficult it was seeing and touching these things--your things--that were never put to their intended use. Tights with frilly butts that never made it under frilly Easter dresses. Blankets that were never cuddled. Bibs that were never spit up on. Toys that were never played with. Stuffed animals that were never clutched by sticky hands, or drooled on, or left outside in the rain.

Before going through everything, I didn't realize just how much of what we bought for you will work for your little brother. I bought a lot of stuff before we found out you were a girl, and even after that, a lot of what I bought wasn't very girly at all. I really like that so many of your things are (hopefully) finally going to be used like they should have been all along.

And what I like even more is that each time I see little E wearing, or playing with, or chewing on one of "your" things, it will make me think of you.

This stuff, it's more than hand-me-downs. I like to think of your old things as gifts. Gifts to E from his proud big sister.

I am especially excited to pass these items, these gifts, along to Elliot:

The onesie was the first thing I bought for you, before I even knew that you were a girl. The hat was also one of the first things I bought, and you actually wore it on your head after you were born. It was way too big, but you looked so precious wearing it. My sweet little bear cub.

I also can't wait to see Elliot snuggle with this little bear stuffed animal:

We brought this little guy to the hospital when you were born, and have pictures of you laying next to it. I also slept with it, cuddled up under my chin, during many sleepless nights. Maybe E will somehow feel close to you when he sleeps with it someday, too.

Last but not least, I am excited that most of the Baby Legs (leg warmers) I bought for you are going to work for Elliot. I'm not sure why, but I was kind of obsessed with those things! Boy can rock them too, right? :)

I miss you so much, Baby girl. I hope you know how much I still think about you. How much I still love you.



Julie said...

so sweet. i regret that we didn't have any stuffed animals with us for kenny in the hospital, or that he didn't wear anything other than the ugly institution-green stiff hand-knitted cap and sweater that was donated to the hospital by some womens' group. it's wonderful that elliott will get to enjoy some of his sister's things, especially those she actually "touched."

Elaine said...

One of my favourite things was dressing Caleb in Blaine's clothes. Clothes meant for our first son. Sadly, he's now run out. I think there's one more sleeper that's 6-12 months but after that there will be no more hand me downs. It's funny how little things like that can make us so emotional.
I have recently become obsessed with baby legs! They are so multi functional, even my oldest can wear them. Hint: it's cheaper to buy from the website than from a store. And you can usually get free shipping.

Angie said...

Oh man, going through the nursery is a scary task. At first I felt so territorial over Aiden's things and was terrified of letting another baby use any of it. But now, I can't wait to see Kevie play with the toys Aiden didn't get to play with and wear the adorable outfits Aiden never got to wear. I looove Stevie's bear and outfits her little brother will get to enjoy.

Our boys are so freaking lucky to have such awesome guardian angels watching over them! xo

Shaylen Maxwell said...

I've been reading for a long time, I'm a friend of Annette's. And I have to say, that's a great way to view Stevie's items, precious gifts to her beloved brother. I also love baby legs. My boy has a ton of rainbow ones and even a few with pink on them. He rocks them. I can't get enough either! Elliot will look mad cute in them! Wishing you the best, always. <3

Trena said...

This made me cry. Blame it on pregnancy hormones but I am bawling like a baby.

I just remember going through the boys' things after they passed away and I know once we find out what this baby is, I will have to do what you just did. Very emotional.

So glad you have these gifts to pass on to baby E. So very special. ♥

Becca and Logan said...

I'm sure E will be thoroughly grateful for his big sister's BabyLegs during those cold Minnesota winters!

MK said...

I sobbed the entire time I did this with the boys things when I was getting ready to have Z. I had a friend who offered to come over and help but I did it alone. I touched all of their things and packed up the things that I knew no one but them would ever have and looked lovingly and gratefully on the things that Z would get to wear.

BabyLegs are freakin' awesome and every little boy I know rocks them!

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