Gifts

Dear Stevie,
I was feeling unusually brave this morning and decided to tackle one of the things I've been putting off doing for a while now: going through all your things in the nursery. When I packed everything up awhile back, I didn't actually go through anything; I just wanted to get everything put away and out of sight as quickly as possible. I pretty much threw everything into a couple giant totes and that was that. Now that I'm at the point where people are starting to ask me what we need for the new baby, where we're going to register, and all those types of questions, I figured I should really sort through all the baby things we got for you, knowing there is probably quite a bit that we could re-use for Elliot.

I was surprised at how emotional the whole experience was. How difficult it was seeing and touching these things--your things--that were never put to their intended use. Tights with frilly butts that never made it under frilly Easter dresses. Blankets that were never cuddled. Bibs that were never spit up on. Toys that were never played with. Stuffed animals that were never clutched by sticky hands, or drooled on, or left outside in the rain.

Before going through everything, I didn't realize just how much of what we bought for you will work for your little brother. I bought a lot of stuff before we found out you were a girl, and even after that, a lot of what I bought wasn't very girly at all. I really like that so many of your things are (hopefully) finally going to be used like they should have been all along.

And what I like even more is that each time I see little E wearing, or playing with, or chewing on one of "your" things, it will make me think of you.

This stuff, it's more than hand-me-downs. I like to think of your old things as gifts. Gifts to E from his proud big sister.

I am especially excited to pass these items, these gifts, along to Elliot:

The onesie was the first thing I bought for you, before I even knew that you were a girl. The hat was also one of the first things I bought, and you actually wore it on your head after you were born. It was way too big, but you looked so precious wearing it. My sweet little bear cub.

I also can't wait to see Elliot snuggle with this little bear stuffed animal:

We brought this little guy to the hospital when you were born, and have pictures of you laying next to it. I also slept with it, cuddled up under my chin, during many sleepless nights. Maybe E will somehow feel close to you when he sleeps with it someday, too.

Last but not least, I am excited that most of the Baby Legs (leg warmers) I bought for you are going to work for Elliot. I'm not sure why, but I was kind of obsessed with those things! Boy can rock them too, right? :)

I miss you so much, Baby girl. I hope you know how much I still think about you. How much I still love you.

XOXO,

Mom