Monday, October 17, 2011

Hopes are up

Dear Elliot,
We rode out the 'high' from our great ultrasound on Friday well into the weekend. I don't know why exactly, but finding out you're a boy just suddenly made this whole thing a lot more real. I felt the same way after finding out your big sis was a girl; everything changes. On Friday I went from growing a baby, to having a son. You're no longer an 'it,' you're a 'he.' No longer an idea, you're a mini person, complete with a name. It actually scares me, because I am still deathly afraid of something going wrong again. And now, if it does, I know it will hurt so much worse. I keep trying to tell myself that if the unthinkable happens again, it's going to be awful (obviously a bit of an understatement), whether or not I try to protect myself or not get my hopes up. Right now, my hopes are up, and I'm choosing to keep it that way.

Anyway, I had been toying around with the idea of going to the big Birth and Baby Expo in Minneapolis this weekend, and decided to go for it. I was feeling more confident and hopeful than I had in a long time and I figured it would be good take a little 'step of faith,' if you will. Up until Saturday, I was so afraid of "jinxing this" that I had yet to really look or think about baby things. So deciding to go to this big baby fair, with hundreds of other pregnant moms, was kind of a big deal for me.

So Dad and I got there right when it started, mainly because I wanted to make sure I got a gift bag (I mean the real reason for going to these things is all the free crap you get, right?!), but also because I wanted to go when it was likely to be less crowded. Overall, it was a fine experience. A little overwhelming, but okay. The one thing that I hated was having every freaking person at every freaking booth ask me if this was our first. I lied and said "yes" every time, and every time I hated doing it. I just didn't feel like repeating the whole story to the random chiropractor I am never going to see again, or the annoying lady trying to sell me a $200 post-delivery hospital massage (although that does sound kind of amazing!). But each time I smiled and nodded when asked if you were my first, I felt a pang of sadness mixed with guilt inside. And then whoever I was talking to would assume I knew nothing about pregnancy or birth and would start explaining things and giving advice and all I'd want to do is interrupt them and scream, "I KNOW! This isn't my first time being pregnant or giving birth!"

Like I said, the free crap was really the best part of the whole experience:

Okay, the green onesie was actually not free (I wish)...keep reading for more on that!

After the Expo, Dad and I stopped at Whole Foods to pick up some fruit and cheese for brunch. After stocking up on Honey Crisp apples (on sale for only $1.99/pound!), I was still feeling brave and wandered over to the baby aisle. There, I found the cutest onesie ever, and I just had to buy it for you. You know, as another 'step of faith,' or something.

I had no idea what exactly that funny creature is, but according to google, it's a Mouse Lemur.

Mama and her first official purchase for you :)

While we're talking about onesies, can I just say how much I LOVE baby boy clothes?? I mean, I got really into shopping for girly things for your sister too, but being more of a tomboy myself, I am definitely more naturally drawn to the boy stuff. The dinosaurs, the monsters, the stripes, the Star Wars...oh my! Dad and I spent hours this weekend looking at stuff online and adding things to Pinterest (I know I'm way late on the boarding the Pinterest train, but everyone was right--it's so cool!). Here are a few of my favorite things I want to see you rock someday:

Hand-knit dino hat from Etsy

Elephant onesie from Etsy

Goldfish onesie from Etsy

Batboy onesie from here

Star Wars onesie from here

Darth on a bike onesie from Etsy (this one might be my fave!)

Another Star Wars onesie from Etsy (you're gonna have lots of Star Wars attire, my boy!)

After Dad and I dreamed about our little boy on the way for most of the afternoon, our friends Brady and Erin came over with their own little boy, Isaiah, who is 6 months old, to take some fall family photos. I actually took Brady and Erin's engagement and wedding pictures, so it was pretty fun to now be doing their first baby/family pictures, too! Here are a few of my favorites:

I've been asking all my friends if I can take their pictures so I can get more practice with my camera (in hopes of being able to make some money on the side, someday!), so if you're in the Minneapolis area and want free pics this fall, let me know! :)

After all the busyness of the weekend, I came down with an awful cold last night. So it's soup, mint tea, juice, and Netflix for me today! But before I go, here's one last picture, the belly at 16w3d:

This is quite possibly one of the worst pictures of me ever (I told you I was sick!), but I didn't want to skip a week!

Okay, Baby Boy. Please keep growing and thriving and living! I am seriously beyond excited to meet my little man-cub.



Jessica said...

Sick or not what a lovely bump!! Love all those onesies!!! (((hugs))) Yea for your baby boy!!! <3

Caroline said...

So happy for you all & your precious baby boy.
Love all the onesies !!
You are so beautiful !!!
Take care

Beth said...

luv the batman & star wars onesies!! so precious! take care & thank you for allowing me into your life. what a beautiful heartfelt story. many blessings. (:

Kim said...

I'm glad to read that you are letting yourself get excited. You're right, no matter what you love that sweet baby boy so you might as well enjoy it to the very last second:) I'm glad things are going well and congratulations on having a boy-I have one and he is amazing. Boys are so cuddly:)

Katy said...

Excited for you! If you're serious about getting some photography practice, I'd love to volunteer my hubby and I...I take free pics for my friends as well so I'm all for helping someone else practice. I'm in Mpls-email me if you want! :)

MamaE said...

I'm a fellow baby loss mama and we need to do some 9 month pictures of our new little guy in November. I hadn't decided who to go with yet... You up for it? If so, leave a comment on a random post on my blog with your contact info and we can 'chat' about the possibility. We have no specific plans yet, so I'm open. Thanks! P.S. I LOVE the "love, marriage, baby" photo. So cool!

MK said...

You are completely allowed to be excited. I will share with you what I tell people when they ask if Zoey is my first - "she's the first baby I got to take home from the hospital." Usually shuts them up.

Also, my husband works with mouse lemurs...

Lisette said...

You look lovely and buying boy things is really fun. Enjoy!!!

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