I don't even remember where I saw it, but I read somewhere this week a quote that went something like, "I'm trying to not just 'accept' my loss, but seriously embrace it with all the strength my two arms and strong heart can hold."
At first I thought it sounded so messed up. I mean, who the hell wants to embrace something so horrible? Accept it, sure, it's not like I really have a choice but to do that. But embrace it? Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to try and forget this whole sad experience ever happened, to push it way, way back in my mind? Get rid of all the painful reminders and move on with my life?
Probably. But I refuse to believe that your short little life was for nothing. I feel like I owe it to you as your mom to make sure your life and death wasn't in vain. I don't know that I believe that cliche phrase "everything happens for a reason," but I do believe that I have a choice in what I make of this shitty situation that I don't and probably never will understand. I guess I am choosing to let what happened change and shape me. I'm choosing to let it make me a better, stronger person. I want you to be proud of your mommy.
I wanted a permanent reminder of you, so tonight Dad and I got tattoos. You have shaped me on the inside, and now I have a reminder of that on the outside.
Not to be rude or anything, but....
4 hours ago