What I Need

Dear Stevie,
This last week, as I've attempted to re-enter the real world (ie: leave the house), I've realized that I need to find a T-shirt that says something like, "Hi. I gave birth to my daughter 11 days ago and she died." I want everyone to know. I want to shout it out loud to every stranger I meet.

Why, you might be wondering?

So that the nice salesperson at Menards who innocently asks me how I'm doing as we walk into the store would know why I can't respond with my usual cheery "great! How are you?"

So the new neighbors I run into while taking the dogs out would understand why I'm not in the mood to chat about the weather; that I'm not rude and unfriendly, just distracted and sad.

So strangers at the mall would know why my stomach looks poochy, my eyes puffy, and that there's a reason I'm wearing grungy sweat pants out in public in the middle of the afternoon.

So that glowing pregnant lady at the grocery store who I swear was following me around would just get away from me already.

So that the proud new mom with her smiling, beautiful baby girl would understand why I was avoiding making eye contact with her; it's not that I don't like babies, I just miss my own little girl so much.

I guess I can't see a "My baby died" shirt being a huge seller, but I really wish I could find one.

Wish you were here enjoying the sunshine with me today, baby.

Love,
Mom