Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What I Need

Dear Stevie,
This last week, as I've attempted to re-enter the real world (ie: leave the house), I've realized that I need to find a T-shirt that says something like, "Hi. I gave birth to my daughter 11 days ago and she died." I want everyone to know. I want to shout it out loud to every stranger I meet.

Why, you might be wondering?

So that the nice salesperson at Menards who innocently asks me how I'm doing as we walk into the store would know why I can't respond with my usual cheery "great! How are you?"

So the new neighbors I run into while taking the dogs out would understand why I'm not in the mood to chat about the weather; that I'm not rude and unfriendly, just distracted and sad.

So strangers at the mall would know why my stomach looks poochy, my eyes puffy, and that there's a reason I'm wearing grungy sweat pants out in public in the middle of the afternoon.

So that glowing pregnant lady at the grocery store who I swear was following me around would just get away from me already.

So that the proud new mom with her smiling, beautiful baby girl would understand why I was avoiding making eye contact with her; it's not that I don't like babies, I just miss my own little girl so much.

I guess I can't see a "My baby died" shirt being a huge seller, but I really wish I could find one.

Wish you were here enjoying the sunshine with me today, baby.

Love,
Mom

4 comments:

Ashley said...

((((HUGS))) Kristin. So sorry you are hurting and missing your baby girl.

Sneegrl said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl. My heart is breaking for you. I wish there was something I could say that would really bring you some peace. Please know I'm thinking about you, your husband, and your little Stevie.

Jenny said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I to feel/felt the same way. My daughter died March 10,1010 at age 18 months old and everywhere I went i just wanted to shout it out. Wanted others to not talk to me, to not smile and act like all was right with the world. Your daughter is beautiful.

Maggie said...

Kristin, I'm just catching up on your blog. I know I've commented before, but I just started following your blog a few days ago! I want to say how very sorry I am for your sweet Stevie. Your story just breaks my heart. It reminds me so much of my own and so many others I have heard in the last few months. I wanted everyone to know my baby died too (and still do!). Maybe we should start this t-shirt line, huh? ;) I think they'd be good sellers!

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