One thing you would have gotten to know about me is that I'm obsessed with taking pictures. I carry around my huge, 3-pound SLR camera with me everywhere I go, even on walks around the neighborhood and Saturday morning errand runs. I've taken so many pictures of the dogs, I swear they now know how to smile and pose when the camera is pointed in their direction.
One of the things I was most looking forward to was taking millions of pictures of you, too. I had big plans to take a picture of you every single day for your first year of life (and probably the 2nd, 3rd, 4th year and so on too!) so that you'd be able to see how much you grew and changed over the course of time. I was so excited to be one of "those moms," you know, the ones with a million pictures of their kids plastered all over their office; the ones who proudly whip out pictures of their children to every stranger they meet. That was gonna be me.
Yesterday we got the pictures of you the photographer with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep took for us at the hospital after you were born. Like any new mom, I want to show them off to everyone I meet, to show everyone how special and pretty my daughter is. But there's this other part of me that is scared. Scared that other people won't be able to see your beauty the same way me and your Dad can. I know no one likes seeing pictures of dead babies, but this is the only chance I'll ever get to show off my baby girl. These are the only pictures I have. The only pictures I'll ever have. God that breaks my heart.
For anyone reading this whose not comfortable seeing Stevie's photos, I suggest you look away now.
Makes the Missing Lighter
1 hour ago