Physical Proof

Dear Stevie,
One of my friends told me last night, "If I hadn't known you the last six months, I'd never guess you were ever pregnant." It's true, my body is pretty much exactly back to the way it used to look before I was pregnant with you. I guess I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with strangers thinking I'm still pregnant, or feeling bad about my body on top of everything else, but it's weird. Sometimes I almost forget I was six and a half months pregnant less than three weeks ago. It seems so bizarre that I carried a baby in my body for over half a year and have nothing to show for it. No stretch marks. No major weight gain (okay, maybe like five pounds!). Boobs back to their normal size (thank God). I should be thanking my lucky stars for these things, but part of me wishes I had more tangible, physical proof that you were a part of me.

The one physical reminder I have left of my pregnancy with you is quickly fading away: the so-called "linea nigra" line that runs down my lower stomach. It came in right after I delivered you, and is slowly but surely becoming less and less noticeable. I figured I should take a picture before it went away completely.

It's kind of hard to see in this picture; it's more noticeable in real life.

I hate that I have nothing to show from my pregnancy with you but a weird line on my stomach and a tattoo on my wrist. I should have stretch marks and saggy skin and everything else women who just gave birth have to deal with. I should have a baby to show from it. I should have you.

On the outside, I appear almost back to normal. But on the inside I know I'll never be the same again.

Miss you so much today, Baby.

Love,
Mom