Monday, May 17, 2010

Let it Be

Dear Stevie,
One night about a month ago your Dad and I sat on the couch and put together an iTunes playlist for you and called it "Stevie's Mix." I had read that you could now hear and respond to music, so we wanted to make sure you were exposed to all the "classics" right from the start. We argued about which songs to include and laughed and imagined how you were going to recognize those songs after you were born.

When it came to choosing which Beatles song to include, it was a tough call; as you grew up, you would have realized there are a LOT of good Beatles songs to pick from! Eventually we decided on "Let it Be."

Today I've had this song on repeat. The tears stream down my face as I listen to it, but for some reason it's bringing me a tiny bit of peace. The words are so simple, yet so profound:

"And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be. "

Let it be. That's what I'm trying to do. Trying to keep the "why me" questions at bay. Trying to accept the fact that you're gone and there's no changing that. Trying to trust that someday there will be light in my life again and that although I might never get an answer to why this happened, that someday I will be able to say your life and death was not for nothing--that you changed me and made me a better person. I'm not there yet, but trying is a step in the right direction, right?

Love you Baby,
Mom

4 comments:

HIS daughter said...

Ohhh Kristin. I am praying so very very hard for you hun...words just seem...useless when hurt is so fresh so I just wanted to let you know I am sending hugs and prayers your way...
Katy

sarahlcox said...

Hi Kristin,

You don't know me, but I found you on babycenter and have been following your blog for some time. I've waited to comment thinking I could find the right words that didn't sound rehearsed, or simple, but nothing has come to me. At times like this there should be some great language that we use to fully explain our emotions, yet we all know there is not. What I can say is I think of you and your husband often, I pray for peace for you both. I pray that through your sorrow, you will find an understanding and happiness. May God bless you both and your sweet little girl, she is now an angel among angels.

Sincerely,
Sarah

Jersa said...

Hi friend,

I just realized that I could post on these! I miss Stevie too, she would have been a blessing to many people. I am glad you have found a song that somewhat makes you feel better. I keep trying to write more but I have nothing in me to say.
Your posts are theraputic to many people. See you soon.

MamaE said...

I'm a MN mom who also lost a baby... and a huge Beatles fan. That song has always meant a lot to me. I totally understand. I'm just getting caught up on some of your old posts and completely understanding your feelings. It somehow feels better to know that we aren't alone.

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