Let it Be

Dear Stevie,
One night about a month ago your Dad and I sat on the couch and put together an iTunes playlist for you and called it "Stevie's Mix." I had read that you could now hear and respond to music, so we wanted to make sure you were exposed to all the "classics" right from the start. We argued about which songs to include and laughed and imagined how you were going to recognize those songs after you were born.

When it came to choosing which Beatles song to include, it was a tough call; as you grew up, you would have realized there are a LOT of good Beatles songs to pick from! Eventually we decided on "Let it Be."

Today I've had this song on repeat. The tears stream down my face as I listen to it, but for some reason it's bringing me a tiny bit of peace. The words are so simple, yet so profound:

"And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be. "

Let it be. That's what I'm trying to do. Trying to keep the "why me" questions at bay. Trying to accept the fact that you're gone and there's no changing that. Trying to trust that someday there will be light in my life again and that although I might never get an answer to why this happened, that someday I will be able to say your life and death was not for nothing--that you changed me and made me a better person. I'm not there yet, but trying is a step in the right direction, right?

Love you Baby,
Mom